June 7, 2010

The Choices We Make

Banner By: Andrea
Title: The Choices We Make
Rating: PG-13
Author: Sxymami0909
Fandom: Bones
Warning: Spoilers through 5x22
Pairing: Booth/Bones
Word Count: 1610
Prompt: Bones and Booth’s thoughts and fears after ‘The Beginning in the End’ from Dandiandi22 for Winning the Featured Artwork of the Month Contest!

Doctor Brennan glanced out the window before turning back to look at the seat in front of her as she buckled her seat belt. She glanced at the curtain separating her from Daisy and she was thankful that she’d gone ahead and booked her own ticket or she’d be sitting next to a very talkative Miss Wick for several hours.

She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them she could feel the moisture pooling in them. She was being irrational; there was no reason for her to be upset in the slightest.

The scientific side of her understood that, but at the same time she could feel something akin to pain in her chest. It wasn’t a heart attack, nor was it any kind of physical ailment. Brennan knew she was fine physically and yet her heart hurt.

Leaving the Jeffersonian, her friends…Booth, it was harder than she wanted to admit. She used to take trips like this all the time. It was part of being an anthropologist, a part that she enjoyed quite a bit and yet this time it was different.

She felt as if she was leaving something behind. Like she was running from something instead of to something. As if it wasn’t the discovery that beckoned her, but the fear of the unknown that catapulted her to her decision. The plane jerked and Brennan felt it start to move down the runway.

Her hands gripped the armrests loosely as the plane took off and when the wheels left the ground she let out a loud sigh. Now that she was in the air, miles away from home she could finally admit to herself what she’d been hesitant to admit for some time now.

She cared for Booth. It sounded absurd saying it in her head because of course she cared for him. How could she not? He was her partner, her best friend, but it was different from the way she cared about Angela or Hodgins. Brennan had a problem calling it love because she didn’t believe in that particular emotion.

Love was just a chemical reaction…but from Booth’s description of the word and how it made people behave she surmised that if she needed to put into words the way she felt about Booth the most accurate description would be love.

She’d first realized it when they found the tumor in his brain. The thought of the world around her without him in it didn’t make any sense. Merely thinking about it was distasteful. She had sensed the shift in their relationship and when he kissed her after leaving Sweets office she’d been confused and emotionally turbulent.

When she pushed him away he’d been hurt, upset, and she’d tried to quell his fears. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t care it was that she cared too much. Brennan didn’t know how to love someone. How do you partake in an action you don’t believe in?

How did she love Booth when she wasn’t even sure love existed? She was scared she’d try and fail leaving the only possible outcome to be her and Booth splitting up from each other and that was the last thing she wanted.

And yet there she was on a plane taking a trip for a year that would literally put them on opposite ends of the world. A whole year without Booth. Would he still care for her when she returned? Would he remember to meet her in a year?

Or would 365 days, the time it takes for the earth to fully rotate around the sun be enough to break the bond they had? Would being with the Army again change the person he’d become?

She let out a heavy sigh and brushed distractedly at her eyes. These thoughts were the very reason she was leaving, why this trip was so important. She was a scientist, when did the decisions she made become more about feelings and less about rationality?

She was losing the ability to view her life with objectivity. This trip would give her the distance she needed to regain control of her life again. To be the Doctor Temperance Brennan that she was before she became so close to Booth.

The only problem was she wasn’t sure if that person was better than the one she’d become. Booth had opened new doors to her; new possibilities and a lot of what he had taught her had enriched her life. She was better, more well rounded with those experiences.

She glanced out the window again clouds filling the sky in spades, the need to fill a void inside of her that she couldn’t explain. One whole year without Booth…had she made the right decision? Or would this trip truly be the beginning in the end for them?


Booth sat on his bed one knee up in his barracks. He was chewed out not long ago by his superior officer for sneaking off base. He was on lock down until they shipped out, but he didn’t care it was worth it. Day pass or not he had to see her off.

He couldn’t just let her leave, not without a goodbye. His lips were in a tight line, but his eyes were red-rimmed. He could feel the emotions bubbling inside of him that he was attempting to keep at bay. The self control he usually exhibited wavering.

One whole year on opposite ends of the world. He saw this coming…the minute she mentioned something about those Maluku or whatever islands. He could see the excitement, the fear, the want in her eyes and so he did what he always did when he didn’t want things to change.

He ignored it. He made jokes and rolled his eyes, because that’s what he did to diffuse the tension, to keep himself sane when everything around him felt like it was spiraling out of control. He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall.

He was in love with Temperance Brennan and he was pretty sure she loved him too, but how does a person who doesn’t believe in love rationalize the feelings she was feeling? The answer is she doesn’t.

When he put himself out there after leaving Sweets office, when he finally accepted his feelings out loud in front of her, for a minute he thought everything would be okay. He thought they could do this no problem, but then she’d shoved him away from her and reality came crashing down.

Bones didn’t know how to deal with that kind of emotional attachment and that was why they had avoided it for so long. He had sensed a shift in their relationship after that. As hard as they tried there were awkward moments, searching looks and constant reminders of the words he threw at her, the feelings he’d revealed.

So when she threw out her thoughts on the discovery of those stupid islands he’d known where it was going. She was running. Sure he knew it was an important discovery, that it could change history as they knew it.

He wasn't conceited enough to think it was all about him, but he knew he was a part of it. Brennan needed to feel in control and lately he could see that slipping. He could see someone new emerging from her. Someone who didn’t always rationalize things.

Someone who thought with her mind and heart and he was pretty sure that terrified her. So when he was approached by the army…by someone he used to know well, Booth knew all along, even as he denied it that he would go.

Like he’d told Bones, this was what was best for him right now. After all it was only a year. A year that would literally put them on opposite ends of the world. A whole year without Bones. Would she still care for him when he returned? Would she remember to meet him in a year?

Or would 365 days be enough to break the bond they had forged in their five years of working together? Would being with the Army again change the person he’d become, reverting him back to the drunken gambler he used to be? Would her dig make her realize she’d been wasting her time with him these past five years?

Booth let out a heavy sigh eyes sliding shut as his hand gripped his knee tight. This was one of the reasons he chose to go. He’d always worked off his emotions, his gut feelings but lately he wasn’t sure they were steering him in the right direction.

Being side by side with Bones, but not really being with her in the way he wanted was hard. This trip…maybe it would be able to give him the perspective he needed to get back to who he used to be. The only problem was he wasn’t sure if that person was better than the one he’d become.

He opened his eyes and stared at the empty wall in front of him. He should have kissed her, but everything was a choice. He thought back to something his grandfather had told him a long time ago.

“Everything we do is a choice Seely. Oatmeal or cereal, highway or side streets, kiss her or keep her. We make choices, and we live with the consequences. If someone gets hurt along the way, we ask for forgiveness, it’s the best anyone can do.”

One whole year without Bones…had he made the right decision? Or would this trip truly be the beginning in the end for them? Only time would tell.


  1. Nicely done...Brennan's conflict with love is one aspect that will keep her away from Booth, the other being that Federal agents aren't allowed to be involved with consultants, as Brennan is. It's the old rock and a hard place scenario, either way you're hurt. Great work C! :-D

  2. Thanks D!

    I'm so so glad you liked this. :-)



Feedback is always appreciated! :)