March 18, 2012

Kiss Your Scars Tonight


Banner By: Andi
Title: Kiss Your Scars Tonight
Author: Sxymami0909
Pairing: Oliver/Chloe
Rating: PG-13
Fictable Prompt: #009 Heartbeat for xtremeroswellia
Word Count: 1,563
Summary: Heartbeats; it’s a simple word, the action of a beating heart, something so common, so mundane that people take it for granted.

Heartbeats; it’s a simple word, the action of a beating heart, something so common, so mundane that people take it for granted. It’s a word that’s used frivolously almost daily to denote all kinds of emotions and yet in an instant it’s one of those words that can irrevocably change a person’s life forever.

Oliver made his way up the stairs of the penthouse, his movements slow, labored, his hands wrapped carefully around the warm mug. He swallowed hard his chest tight as he paused in the doorway of the bedroom he shared with his wife. His eyes lifted from the light yellow liquid in the mug to the blonde curled up on the bed.

His throat constricted at the sight of her, legs pulled up practically into her chest, hand beneath her pillow as she clutched it to her cheek. Oliver couldn’t see her face from his position, her back was facing him, but he knew when he walked around to the other side of the bed he would see her tear stained cheeks.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to move forward into the room. His chest ached and the sight of the woman he loved in so much pain only made him feel like that much more of a failure. Oliver wasn’t used to not being able to fix problems. In general he was a problem solver, so the fact that he couldn’t help Chloe when she needed it most killed him.

Oliver took measured steps to the side of the bed and crouched down so he could see Chloe’s face. Her eyes were bloodshot and red, silent tears sliding down her pale cheeks. He had to swallow hard to moisten his throat enough to speak, but when he did his voice was still slightly hoarse to his ears. “I brought you some tea,” He told her trying to get her to look at him.

She didn’t acknowledge him, which didn’t surprise Oliver. Chloe hadn’t been very responsive since they made their way home from the doctor. He reached out brushing a hand over her hair and slipping a stray strand behind her ear. “I’ll leave it right here on the nightstand for you, okay?” He asked but she still didn’t answer him. A lump formed in his throat as he nodded and stood to his full height before placing the mug near her on the small nightstand.

Oliver felt helpless, angry, cheated. He wanted to yell, to scream and shout at anything and everything. A pain worse than anything he’d ever felt filled his chest and he didn’t know what to do with it, how to act, what to say. All he could do at the moment was be strong for Chloe. She needed him. He turned around and started toward the dresser when Chloe’s voice broke the silence around them.

“Why do you love me?” She could hear the emptiness in her own voice and she winced. It didn’t matter though; there was no reason to hide what she was feeling from Oliver, or rather not feeling. Chloe felt numb. Her chest was tight with guilt, loss, and a burning ball of pain that felt like it was suffocating her. The mere act of speaking took more energy than she was comfortable expelling at the moment.

She watched as Oliver turned quickly his brows drawn up a hint of shock in his eyes as he tried to figure out where she was going with this. Chloe watched him before his voice cut through the room.

“I’m not sure how to answer that. You know why I love you…I think you’re amazing.” He told her quietly not sure what else to say. The question had come out of nowhere and he had thought they were past the point in their relationship where he had to reassure her that his love was real. Oliver walked back over to the bed and Chloe watched as a frown pulled at his features.

She finally shifted her gaze meeting his deep, brown, pain filled eyes and something inside of her snapped. “I killed our baby, how could you possibly love me,” She whispered brokenly as another flood of tears spilled from her eyes, but there was no sound. Chloe was pretty sure her throat just couldn’t accommodate the amount of anguish she was consumed by since they’d come home from the doctor’s office late last night.

Her entire body felt broken, used, and empty. Chloe wanted to close her eyes and sleep until the emotions inside of her disappeared. She felt hollow, like a shell of the person she was. She was a terrible person. Her heart ached for the small person inside of her that she’d never get to meet and without warning a sob broke free from her lips, her body shaking as Oliver stared at her a mixture of horror and pain filling his face.

He should have known that she would blame herself. It’s the type of person Chloe was. She took everything on her shoulders, the good, the bad and she tried to control everything and make everyone happy. But this wasn’t something she could control and Oliver could see her slowly breaking. He had no idea what to do, so he kneeled in front of her and placed his hands on her face and wiped the tears cascading down them.

“Chloe, this is not your fault. The doctor even said it’s just one of those things that happen. It’s no one’s fault,” And even as he said the words he couldn’t help blaming himself. He should have worked less, been around more. He shouldn’t have let Chloe work so hard or deal with so much stress, maybe then this wouldn’t have happened to them. “You did not,” He had to take a deep breath before his mouth would say the word, “Kill our baby.” He had to practically choke the words out his eyes burning.

“You loved our baby. You took care of it…you did everything right.” He whispered into her hair as he pressed a kiss there. He felt her hands shift as she gripped his arms tightly the sobs coming harder from her throat.

“Ollie, hold me.” She gasped quietly and he immediately moved onto the bed as she shifted back just slightly. It was the first time she made any acknowledgement of him being there and he wasn’t going to waste that. Oliver wrapped his arms around her tightly and brought her into his chest.

Chloe curled her body into him and he had never noticed their size difference more prominently than this moment. She looked tiny and fragile, two words he’d never use to describe his wife in a million years. She was the strongest person he’d ever met. Oliver leaned his head back against the headboard as he held her his mind going back to the doctor’s appointment when they had tried to find the baby’s heartbeat and couldn’t.

His arms tightened on her at the thought. He had known the second the doctor frowned; at least a half hour before he’d actually told them that the baby was no longer alive. The look on Chloe’s face had nearly brought him to tears. She had broken down in the doctor’s office, crying and screaming and yelling that it was a lie. Finally she had just shut down, which the doctor had assured him was normal in some cases. They had wanted to go in and take the baby out before she left the office, but Chloe had refused.

Oliver had stayed behind and gotten the medicine that she’d need. The doctor had explained how the baby would pass naturally on its own and even though he had explained what to expect and what happened, well it wasn’t something that a person was ever prepared to see. It was traumatic and heartbreaking and Oliver was genuinely terrified that his wife would never be the same after this.

It scared him to see her so closed off and distant. Chloe was vibrant and opinionate and passionate, but right now…It was as if all of that had been sucked from her and Oliver wasn’t sure how to bring it back. The sound of her quiet voice mumbling apologies into his chest made his heart clench and he just held her tighter and told her everything was going to be okay…it was all he could do.

Chloe shifted sliding her hand up Oliver’s chest, her palm pausing over his heartbeat as she closed her eyes, several more tears leaking out of them. The slow steady thump beneath her hand made her heart ache and her chest tight.

She buried her face in Oliver’s chest taking comfort in the steady rhythm of his breathing as her mind drifted, the steady flame of guilt scarring her as she felt Oliver press a kiss to her head. After everything Chloe had been through in her life, who would have thought that something as simple as a heartbeat would send her to her breaking point?

Heartbeats; it’s a simple word, the action of a beating heart, something so common, so mundane that people take it for granted. It’s a word that’s used frivolously almost daily to denote all kinds of emotions and yet in an instant it’s one of those words that can irrevocably change a person’s life forever.


  1. Poor Chloe
    It happened to me last November and it hurts so much

    1. *nods*
      I'm so sorry, and yes, it's not something that ever really goes away. :/


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