February 1, 2014

Love of Mine

Title: Love of Mine
Pairing: Kenzi POV Hale/Kenzi Centric
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Lost Girl
Fictable Prompt: #016 Endless Sorrow for Sxymami0909
Word Count: 1,704
Summary: Kenzi grieves for the Hale. Simple as that.

The house was silent. Kenzi couldn’t remember the last time it had ever been so quiet mostly because it never was. There was always something going on, but not today.

Today there was nothing.

The pillow beneath her head was rough, the fabric scratching at her cheek every time Kenzi took a deep breath. It didn’t bother her though, nothing did and yet everything did. She slowly lifted her knees further into her body, a sharp pain shooting through her stomach at the movement. She deserved it. She deserved worse.

Her stomach churned as yet another wave of nausea hit her, slamming into her body making her mouth water and her throat tighten. Kenzi lifted her hand stiffly to cover her mouth and the smell of blood invaded her senses. Her gaze shifted to her palm and it shook with a force she hadn’t realized she was capable of.

Blood. Dry, rustic brownish red stained her hands, her shirt and she was pretty sure there might be some on her face too. Kenzi’s upper body lurched forward toward the bucket near her bed. She gagged, her throat constricted and then another round of bile spilled from her mouth into the bucket. Coughing she reached for a tissue, her movements slow, measured, so very unlike her.

Kenzi wiped her mouth and then the tissue was falling soundlessly into the bucket as she once again rested her head back on the pillow. A pillow that still smelled of Hale. A noise broke the silence in her bedroom and it took Kenzi a minute to realize it was her. The sob tumbled from her throat, eyes burning with tears.

Funny, she didn’t think she had any left. Her heart hurt, physically ached. All she could do was replay the last several hours in her head over and over again. Tears slid down her cheeks. The fabric was less scratchy when it was wet. The thought passes through her head and suddenly she can’t stop sobbing.

Hale loved her. All of her weird Kenzi habits and all of her quirks. He loved her for everything she was and everything she wasn’t. Hale wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted to marry her and now he would never know that she wanted to marry him too. Her sobs grew louder and she heard his name leave her lips, the whisper of it traveling through the room as if he was right beside her. But he wasn’t.

Kenzi’s body shook as one of her hands clutched the sheet beneath her. “I need you,” she whimpered, “Hale I need you.” She could hear voices downstairs now, but she didn’t try to make out the words. None of it mattered. They couldn’t bring back Hale, they couldn’t fix what she’d done.

Guilt filled her chest, suffocating her and she turned her face into the pillow, pushing down hard and screamed. Kenzi knew she loved Hale, but she hadn’t realized he was this much a part of her. She felt like she was dying inside, like the pain would never go away. Bo had come in to check on her a while ago, maybe it was an hour, maybe more. Kenzi didn’t know. Time felt like it wasn’t moving, like she was stuck in this moment and nothing would ever bring her back.

Kenzi wasn’t talking to Bo. She didn’t want to see her, not after she used her powers on her and pried her away from Hale’s body. It was too soon to be away from him, too soon for him to be gone forever. Her gaze slid to the ring on her finger, the band held a hint of red on it and that brought another wave of tears to Kenzi’s eyes.

She was going to say yes. She was going to tell Hale that she wanted to marry him. That nothing in the world would make her happier than waking up to him calling her ‘Lil Mama’ every day. Nothing would make her happier than spending forever with him and his crazy family. Nothing made her happier than him.

Kenzi’s grip tightened on her pillow, her cheek throbbed and the pain in her stomach intensified. She knew she was hurt, that something wasn’t right, but she didn’t care. How could she? She deserved whatever pain she got.

The stairs creaked with the weight of someone’s foot, but Kenzi ignored the sound. It was probably just Bo checking in on her again and she didn’t feel like facing her friend. She’d never be okay again so she wished Bo would just stop asking. Kenzi closed her eyes, tears flowing silently down her cheeks as she tried to block out everything but the smell of Hale’s cologne on her pillow.

Dyson paused at the top of the stairs at the sight of Kenzi, his hand curled around the banister and his chest tightened. She was normally small, but tonight, tonight she looked her age. She looked like the scared little girl she never was. His chest tightened. When Bo called him he didn’t believe her at first, but the sound of her sobs were too hard to ignore. So, he and Tamsin made their way to Bo’s house and finding his best friend, bloody and still on the floor was probably the worst thing he’d ever seen. And Dyson had seen a lot.

He didn’t think he would ever see anything that bad again, that was until his eyes landed on Kenzi. Hale told him his plan about finding Kenzi’s Mom and asking for her hand in marriage. It was a nice gesture, an old fashioned one, but one Dyson thought Kenzi would appreciate and now…

Dyson stepped into the room and took a few steps towards Kenzi’s bed stopping when the coppery tang of blood assaulted his senses. Worry crossed his face and he rounded the bed in a few steps taking in Kenzi’s blood stained clothes. Dyson swallowed hard and sat down carefully on her bed resting his hand gently on her hip. “Kenz,” his voice was deep with grief and the sound of it made Kenzi’s eyes shoot open.

She held Dyson’s gaze for about a minute before her fa├žade cracked and she broke down, loud choking sobs tearing from her throat as her body shook. He reached for her at the same time she reached for him. With Dyson’s arms wrapped around her she could pretend for a second that it was Hale that he wasn’t gone, but it didn’t last long. No one had arms like Hale. No one made her feel as safe or as loved.

“He’s gone…Dyson he’s…I…I was going to say yes,” she sobbed.

Dyson’s heart clenched as he held her tighter. A soft gasp left her throat and Dyson frowned when she jerked in his grip. “Kenzi what…oh god.” Her shirt rode up when she moved and he saw a deep purple bruise on her skin. That was the blood he smelt. “Why didn’t you say anything? How long have you been up here?” He reached for her and she slapped his hand away.

“No,I deserve this. It’s my fault Hale is dead, I don’t deserve to be okay….I don’t.” She said as she stood, wincing and pressing a hand to her side as she stepped away from him, a wave of dizziness flowing through her.

Dyson caught Kenzi before she could hit the ground. “This is not your fault,” he said his voice stern, “Hale would never forgive me if I let anything happen to you. Please…I miss him too Kenz, let me help you. Let me make this better.” He needed to help, he needed to do something or he’d have to sit down and process the fact that his best friend was dead.

Kenzi stopped fighting Dyson, moisture gathering in her eyes again. She knew his words were true. But she couldn’t bring herself to care. She closed her eyes her expression breaking. “I don’t want to be here anymore,” she whispered finally breaking the silence. “I can’t…I just…I miss Hale.” She told him brokenly.

Dyson nodded and lifted her carefully in his arms. “I know you do.” He held her close to his chest. “I’m going to take you home with me and call Lauren.” He started walking to the stairs and paused when he saw the ring on Kenzi’s finger. He could feel his eyes burning, but he blinked the emotion back. He needed to be there for Kenzi right now, it was the only way he’d survive.

Kenzi tilted her head and caught Dyson’s gaze. She followed his gaze to her ring and she felt the heat of tears sliding down her cheeks again. “I was going to say yes.” The words were whispered into the dark quiet room, her voice hoarse from crying.

Dyson nodded. “I know.” He needed to get her to Lauren and soon. “Everything is going to be okay Kenz, you’ll see. Eventually it will be okay.”

Kenzi leaned into his chest, letting her eyes fall shut as a dull ache settled into the pit of her stomach. Everything hurt. All she wanted was for the pain to be gone…to be with Hale to have him hold her. Kenzi squeezed her eyes tighter the sound of Bo and Tamsin talking making her curl into herself. She could hear Dyson’s angry voice, but his words fell on deaf ears. She tuned everything out and focused on the memory of Hale. The way he dressed, the way he spoke, the way he smelled.

Kenzi surrounded herself in memories of him while clutching at Dyson. She wasn’t okay, she wasn’t going to be okay, but Hale’s last act was saving her life and she couldn’t let that be in vain. So, she’d let Dyson help her and when she was better she’d find a way to bring Hale back. They lived in a world where the supernatural was real and she would not rest until Hale was back and in her arms because Kenzi couldn’t live with the endless sorrow rushing through her. She loved him, she’d find a way…

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