December 28, 2008

Trial and Error Chapter (10/11) (Sad)

Chapter 9 Ending A
 Three Weeks Later
 (Clark POV)

A slight banging noise woke me up, and I rolled onto my back and glanced at the ceiling. I rested my hands on my chest and sighed. It’s been exactly three weeks today since Chloe died and it still stung every time I thought about her. My mom came back for the funeral but then had to go back to Washington…she was worried about me staying here alone so she had Lois move in.

It was kinda weird…but it’s better then her staying at the Talon. I didn’t want her anywhere near Lex. She’s all I have left of Chloe…I won’t let anything happen to her. I heard another bang coming from the kitchen and my brows furrowed. What the hell are they doing down there?

I lifted my body up and moved my legs over the edge of the bed. I sat there for a few minutes looking around my room. There were still signs of Chloe everywhere. I haven’t changed my room at all since the last time she was in it. One of her sweaters is thrown over my desk chair, the papers from her last story, that she never got to finish, are scattered around the desk, and pictures…I never realized I had so many of her.

As I stood up I felt a sort of thump thump throbbing start in my heart. All the air left my lungs for a minute before I closed my eyes and breathed in deep. God I missed her…I could feel my eyes filling with moisture as I stood there with them held tightly shut. I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down.

This is normal…at least for me…it happens every time I wake up and realize Chloe is really gone…I panic for a little bit and then after a few minutes I’m able to get myself under control. It’s just…the initial feeling that she’s gone…I mean when I go to sleep I know that…but…god…my dreams are filled of her and waking up to see she’s really gone…well it’s like losing her over and over again…

I opened my eyes and walked to the closet to grab some clothes. I could still hear things being moved around downstairs so I got dressed at super speed so I could see what was going on. I opened the door and made my way down the stairs. When I turned and went into the kitchen I stopped dead in my tracks at the picture I saw in the kitchen. I raised an eyebrow and spoke cautiously.

“Umm…what are you two doing?”

Two heads whipped around faster then normal and matching grins beamed in my direction.

“Clarkie…you’re awake…finally…I thought farm boys were supposed to be up at the crack of dawn?”

I winced when I heard her say farmboy…Chloe used to call me that. I think she noticed because as she walked by she squeezed my arm before going into the cabinet. I then noticed that both she and Kara had aprons on…oh god…there cooking…I should run while I have the chance. I hadn’t even started backing away when Kara spoke.

“Nope…don’t give us that look. You are staying right there for breakfast Clark Kent…you have no choice. We were gonna surprise you and bring it up…but well…you kinda woke up. Don’t worry…I cook great!”

She smiled and followed Lois getting ingredients out. I doubt that especially if she learned from Lois…because Lois can’t cook to save her life. I sat on a stool and watched them flitter around the kitchen. My mouth turned up in a small smile. Kara fit in good here. It was nice to not be the only one from Krypton anymore. It took a little bit but we finally got her accustomed to earth and she absolutely loved it. She was wild and enjoyed going out and partying, having all this fun…basically the exact opposite of me. It was like having a younger sister around…and I kinda liked it. Dealing with her and the things she’s been getting herself into keeps me from dwelling on everything that’s happened in the past three weeks.

Lex got out of the hospital four days ago…he didn’t press charges against me thank god…cause I didn’t even think about that…he actually didn’t mention me at all. I haven’t seen or heard from him since that night I stabbed him. I felt my body shiver involuntarily. I came so close that night…so close to crossing the line between good and evil…hell I did step over it…but at least I came back and I’m trying to make things right now.

I felt a hand brush against my arm and I looked up and focused on the person in front of me. I saw Lois and her face was determined. Her eyes gazed into mine as she spoke.

“Stop. Stop going there…I can see it in your body Clark…stop going back to that night…if you don’t leave it in the past it will haunt you forever…we need to move past this…you’re trying to make amends…and I know you will…so just stop. This is supposed to be a happy breakfast.”

I nodded. She was right. I needed to stop.

“So…what’s for breakfast?”

Lois laughed and moved away from me. Kara turned slightly and spoke.


I mumbled to myself.

“Good…I don’t think anyone can mess those up.”

Before I knew what was happening a spoon was flying at my head. It bounced off and hit the floor. I looked up and Kara was glaring at me.

“I heard that!”

I smiled and gave her an innocent look.

“Heard what?”


I enjoyed the easy relationship I shared with Kara…it was light and different. Lois and I had an understanding…we still got on each others nerves everyday like before…but if I need someone or if she does…we’re there for each other no ifs ands or buts. We’re all a family and I go through everyday making sure they are safe…because I refuse to lose them like I lost…Chloe.

I didn’t realize until to late that I was in love with her…and I’ll regret that for the rest of my life…but I feel honored to have had Chloe in my life…she’s an amazing person…was an amazing person…I hope wherever she is now…she knows how much she means to me…and how much I miss her everyday…

(Lois POV)

I watched Clark zone off again and sighed as I turned to start helping Kara make pancakes. No one in the world knows what Clark was going through better then me…but at least I was trying to move on…not from Chloe…because I could never do that…but from everything that’s happened. I’m focusing on life and revenge in my own way. Just because we can’t kill Lex, not that I don’t want to, doesn’t mean I can’t make him pay.

Kara has been helping me dig up information on Lex…you’d be surprised how many dirty little secrets are in his closet. He hasn’t cleaned up nearly as much as he thinks he has, and I was going to exploit him for the monster he was. Chloe tried to do it and unfortunately he got to her before she could…but me I was gonna do this for Chloe…she deserved justice.

Her research and information about him is all on a different level. The things she found out…well let’s just say my cousin is no slouch. Her information is half my article…As soon as I got the hard proof I’m looking for Lex will be spending the rest of his natural born life in a prison cell…and I won’t rest until I see that happen.

Speaking of the devil he was released from the hospital a few days ago, he hasn’t made a peep since he’s been out either and that worries me. He knows about Clark’s powers now…it’s only a matter of time before he comes after him, but if he thinks he’s gonna hurt Clark…well he has another thing coming. He’d have to go through Oliver and the JL, Kara, and most of all me.

Chloe loved Clark fiercely and she could have called out to him while Lex had her locked away…he would have heard her and came for her…but she didn’t and I suspect it’s because she didn’t want Lex to know about Clark…it was so important to her that she gave her life for it…and now that she’s gone…I’ll make sure to protect Clark for her…because that’s what she’d want.

He’s so lost without her, and I think it’s so hard for him because he never acknowledged how much she meant to him…so now when he finally realized it she’s gone…and he can’t do a damn thing about it. I feel for him…Clark has a hard life…the decisions he makes don’t just effect him but possibly at times the world. His choices…they can make or break things…

Having that kind of weight on your shoulders affects a person…and not always in a good way. He’s used to having a good balance though and now…that balance has been disturbed…and he isn’t sure what to do. I can see it in his face…in the things he does…he’s questioning himself and over analyzing all the choices he’s made to this point.

Lex killing Chloe…it killed something in Clark that I’m not sure he’ll ever get back…but hopefully with all of our help he’ll be able to accept it and move on from there, because someday the world might just need a hero…and Clark is definitely the man for the job…

(Oliver POV)

I walked up the steps and knocked on the kitchen door before opening it. I saw Lois snap her head around to me and I grinned. God she’s beautiful…I don’t know how I ever left her. She came over and gave me a kiss, which I returned with enthusiasm.

“Good morning.”

I raised an eyebrow and spoke with amusement in my voice.

“It certainly is.”

I glanced over at Clark and saw happiness and anguish cross his features at the same time.

“Hey Clark.”

He gave me a weak smile.

“Hey Oliver. How are things?”

“Good. You?”

He nodded, but I noticed he didn’t answer the question. I watched him get up from the counter and wipe his hands on his jeans. His voice was distracted when he spoke.

“Listen guys I appreciate the breakfast thing…but there’s something I gotta go do. Don’t give me that look Lo’. I have some errands to run that’s all…I’m fine…I’ll be back soon.”

I watched him grab his jacket and walk toward the front door. I heard it open and when it closed I heard Lois’s frustrated sigh. I turned to face her and pulled her into my arms.

“Is he still just going through the motions?”

She shook her head and there was sadness in her voice.

“No. He’s getting better…but he’s still beating himself up over that night…I keep trying to tell him it’s not his fault but he just doesn’t want to listen…ugh…it makes me made.”

She moved out of my arms and I glanced at Kara who shrugged at me. I pursed my lips together and spoke in a non-confrontational tone.

“Lo’ can I ask you a question?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Do you still feel guilty for not knowing Chloe was alive all that time before she called?”

I watched her body freeze as she spoke in a low voice.

“That’s different.”

“Is it? You’re blaming yourself for something that was out of your control. You couldn’t have known…and yet you feel guilty…you feel that if you knew you could have gotten to her in time…so in essence you feel guilty for her death too…maybe…your feelings about the situation have more in common with Clark then you think. You just hide it better then he does baby. It doesn’t mean it’s not there though. So maybe we should cut Clark a little slack.”

She twisted her body around and her eyes were watery as she nodded. I wanted to break the tension in the room so I smiled and spoke lightly.

“So…I believe you invited me for breakfast?”

She laughed and turned back to the stove. I watched her and Kara fooling around and couldn’t help thinking about everything that’s happened in the past few weeks. Chloe is gone and we have all been working through our issues since then.

Lois cried for a couple of hours and then went straight into battle mode, which she’s still in now. I don’t want to say she’s in denial because she knows Chloe is dead…but she hasn’t really taken the time to process it yet, she’s been too busy going after Lex, which by the way Clark doesn’t know about. I’m backing her up though and so is Kara so we have it covered.

Kara has been a great source of release for everyone. She isn’t weighed down by all the pain and guilt because she didn’t know Chloe…so she takes Lois out and tried to do the same for Clark. She makes us laugh and forget all that bad crap even if it’s just for an hour or so.

Bart’s been taking all this pretty hard. He really did like Chloe…his way of dealing with everything is anger. He’s been storming around the world for days, speeding in and out of places…I wasn’t sure what I was gonna do about him…the only person he ever slowed down for was Clark…and that at least gives me hope that Bart still has some kind of sense…he’ll be ok…he just needs to get the guilt out of him…we all do.

Victor and A.C. have taken to throwing themselves into saving people. Anyone, anywhere…if there in trouble they are there to help…I think they feel that saving all these different people will make up for the one they couldn’t save. It’s understandable…but unfortunately it won’t make the guilt go away…

Me…I talk about it with Lois…about how every once in a while I get a tinge of guilt…it helps knowing that she feels the same way. I have to say I’m guilty of the going out and helping as many people that I can thing…cause with each one I save a small amount of the guilt recedes.

Clark, well I’m not too sure about him. The JL and I plan to have the base of our operation out of Metropolis for a while…until things cool down so we make it a point to all get together at least once a week. I’ve noticed that everyday Clark takes off at a certain time…ok maybe not everyday but he does it every time I’m here. I don’t know where he goes or what he does…

But when he comes back he always seems calm…there is an air of acceptance around him…but as the day goes on it fades…he’s in a slump but Lois is determined to get him out of it…and I don’t doubt that she’ll be able to…my girl can do anything she puts her mind to…

Over all though, I think we’re all healing in our own way. It will be easier for some of us then it is for others…but I can tell you I’ve learned a valuable lesson from this. Never underestimate anyone…and even though you try your hardest…do everything right…fight until it hurts…that doesn’t mean that you’ll always save the victim…and although the failure probably hurts more than any wound…it’s a part of life…

Without failure there can’t be success. We won’t win every fight…and we won’t save every person…but that doesn’t mean we give up or stop trying. We take it one day at a time, and save one person at a time…and if we fail…we get up and try again because that is what hero’s do…

(Clark POV)

The air was brisk outside as I walked along the freshly mowed grass. My fingers clenched around the Orchids I held in my left hand. My feet dragged heavily the last few feet as I came to a stop in front of the large fancy stone. I kicked around some dirt and squatted down. I ran my right hand over the engraved lettering of the tombstone and bowed my head for a second before lifting it back up. I placed the flowers down on the ground in front of the grave.

“It’s Orchids today Chlo…Have you ever seen an orchid; how it floats in the water, so delicate and beautiful? I heard once that when a woman gets an orchid; it's, well she feels like she's floating on a cloud of infinite possibility…so here…I hope you’re happy where you are.”

I shifted and sat on the ground. I picked at some grass with my hand as I continued to speak.

“I miss you Chloe…so much…Lois is doing ok…she doesn’t like to admit how much she misses you…occasionally I can hear her crying in her sleep…I don’t say anything though…everyone has there private moments…I guess those are hers.”

“Kara has been causing mounds of trouble…you’d like her though…she kinda seems like someone you’d get along with. I wish she coulda met you…you would have been the perfect person to teach her about the world…”

I glanced at my hands and my voice lowered when I said my next sentence.

“I know when I usually come here…we talk about everyday things…but there’s something I need to tell you today…something I should have said a long time ago…”

I glanced up at the stone. Lionel paid for the whole funeral…he gave Chloe a true hero’s funeral…she would have loved it…

“I’m so sorry…”

It was then I broke down.

“I’m sorry I never realized it Chlo…I’m sorry I only saw it too late…I missed out on so much…so much we could have had together…I…love you more than I ever thought possible…it’s been so hard without you…I never knew you were the center of my world Chlo…I just…I just never knew…I need you to forgive me…for not knowing what you meant to me…for letting you die…for hurting Lex when I know it’s not what you would have wanted…just…for failing you…”

I bent my head and tears dripped onto the dirt. I felt my body shaking from crying and then something happened…something…I’m not even sure is possible…I felt a gust of wind blow in m direction and the scent of vanilla and lavender wafted through m y nose.

I lifted my head and looked around. The Orchids I set down earlier ruffled a bit and the gust of wind came again with the lingering scents of…Chloe…I closed my eyes, turned my head up, and took in a deep breath with my nose…I’d know that smell anywhere…and in that moment I swear I heard the wind whisper as it flew by my head.

“It took you long enough Kent…I love you too…don’t blame yourself Clark…I don’t…stop moping…be the man I know you can be…the hero the world needs you to be…”

My eyes whipped open and I glanced around frantically. That was Chloe’s voice…I know it was…I heard her…I stood up and turned in circles trying to see where it came from…but nothing was there…I frowned. Did I dream it up? Did I conjure her voice saying what I wanted to hear? It was then I turned back to the tombstone and I took in a deep breath.

There lying on top of her tombstone was a folded piece of paper…I glanced around again but no one was there…I walked to the paper and opened it up. It was a letter…from Chloe…

I want to let you in on a secret. I'm not who you think I am. In fact, my disguise is so thin; I'm surprised you haven't seen right through me. I'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend. Sometimes I want to rip off this facade like I did at the Spring Formal, but I can't because you'll get scared and you'll run away again. So I decided that it's better to live with a lie than expose my true feelings. My dad told me there are two types of girls. The ones you grow out of and the ones you grow into. I really hope I'm the latter. I may not be the one you love today, but I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me because I think you're worth the wait.

I’ll always Love you Clark…
No matter where I am…
Remember that…celebrate my memory…Don’t morn it…


I saw tears drop on the letter and I wiped them away. I glanced back at her grave and gave a small smile. My voice was choked up when I spoke.

“You’re even pushy from the grave Chlo…”

I held the letter tight…I don’t know how this is possible…and I don’t care…this was my sign…Chloe might not physically be here anymore…but she’ll always be with me…no matter what…It hurts right now…more than anything ever has…but I’ll get through it…with my friends…with my family…and with Chloe…she’s always believed I could be a hero…it was time to start proving her right…

(Kara POV)

I watched Clark from behind a large tree a few yards away. Last night I had the strangest dream…a dream that caused me to wake up and go wondering in Clark’s moms room…where all of Chloe’s things were being stored until Lois found something to do with them…I searched high and low for that piece of pink paper…and when I found it…I knew that was what I was looking for.

I don’t know how I knew I just did…it was meant for Clark to have so I came out here…not long after Oliver came I excused myself and found him here. Something in the air distracted him and when he turned I sped by and placed it there…then hid behind this tree.

I have no clue what was in the letter…but whatever it was…must have touched him deeply. I watched him bending down talking some more to her. I saw a smile light up his face…with a light that almost reached his eyes. A smile I haven’t seen since I’ve been here. He gently ran his hand over the stone and spoke softly, but I heard.

“I love you Chloe…I’ll take you everywhere I go…I promise…this isn’t goodbye…it’s just…I’ll see you later…”

He placed a kiss on his palm and held it against her name before standing up and walking away from her. His stance was different…stronger…he walked with a purpose…and each step he took I saw a little more pain wash away from him. I smiled…I don’t know hat was in that letter…but I do know whatever she said to him…worked…When he was out of sight I lifted up my arm and took off in the air…Clark has lost a lot…and I’m pretty sure he almost gave up…but even in death she stopped him…I’ve heard the stories about how much he relied on her…and now I’ve just witnessed it first hand…she might physically be gone…but she knew Clark couldn’t give up because there is a whole world that needs to be saved. I’m pretty sure she understood that. This isn’t the end of Clarks journey…it’s just the beginning…

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