Chapter 2
Chapter 1
Four Days Earlier
(Clark POV)
Dammit! These damn parts! The piece broke in my hand and I grunted as I threw it across the barn. It flew to the other side and broke right through one of the barn walls. I sighed and shook my head. I heard footsteps making there way into the barn and I groaned to myself.
I really wish everyone would just leave me the hell alone…can’t they see I’m busy? It was my mother…she didn’t say anything so I broke the silence.
“This engine won't start. I don't know how to fix it.”
My voice held more frustration then I intended it to, but either she chose to ignore it or she was just too out of it to hear it. Her voice was soft.
“You're home from school early.”
I turned to face her with a tool in my hand and spoke as I lightly tapped it against me.
“Yeah, well, I sort of dropped out for the rest of the semester.”
Her eyes went wide and she moved closer to me. Her voice was reprimanding.
“Clark, how could you do that?”
I gave her a nasty look and threw the tool I was using back in the box. I wiped my hand on my pants and spoke in a condescending manner.
“What did you expect me to do? I have the rest of my life for school. You need me here. There’s too much work to be done.”
She frowned and shook her head. I could see the disapproval clearly written on her face, but you know what…I didn’t care. This was my life and I’d make my own decisions about what I do and don’t do.
“But – “
I cut her off, shaking my head and waving my hand.
“Are you going to do all the work on the farm? I didn’t think so…Mom, it's done. So just leave it alone.”
I saw the hurt look on her face as she sighed. Her voice was light and non-confrontational the next time she spoke.
“The Governor's office wants to see me. Something about your father's senate seat. It's the last thing I want to do, I have to go to Metropolis. While I'm there, I... I thought I'd drop some of your father's clothes off at the homeless shelter. Maybe it's too early to get rid of them, but I... it's so hard seeing them in the closet. I can still smell his aftershave on the shirts. You should take a look, see if there's something you want to keep.”
That’s great mom…while your at it why don’t throw out everything he ever used in the house. Purge his memory from me too. Why not right? You're already moving on with your life like he didn’t even exists…it’s been three days since my dads funeral…my fathers body isn’t even cold in the ground yet and she’s already been spending too much time with Lionel Luthor.
He was here last night offering his condolences…yeah condolences my ass…he’s looking for an in and he finally thinks he has it…too bad he didn’t…and if he tried…my jaw tensed and I swallowed hard to keep myself in check.
When I glanced up I realized she was waiting for an answer from me…I shook my head and tried to keep the anger out of my voice when I spoke.
“No, I'm sure there's someone who can use it more than I can.”
She seemed oblivious to my inner struggle as she gave me a disappointed look. I don’t know what her problem is…why did she care if I wanted to keep something or not. I mean obviously these things weren’t important to her…she’s giving them all away…
Her eyes lit up for a brief moment like she was just remembering something. I saw her fingering a watch in her hand…that was my dad’s watch…he used it to teach me how to tell time. Her voice held fondness when she spoke.
“Oh. I think your father would have wanted you to have this. I...I remember the day he taught you how to tell time with it.”
I’m sure you do…did you also remember the day you said your vows when you were having coffee with Lionel last night, laughing in the kitchen about something stupid he had said? I glanced away from her because I was afraid if I kept looking at her I would say something I regretted. I shook my head lightly and when I spoke I tried to curb the awful sound in my voice.
“You should wear it.”
I turned back to face her and then glanced around the barn.
“Well, if you're going to Metropolis, you should probably go before it gets too dark.”
Again I saw the hurt look on her face, but she nodded and turned around to leave the barn. She turned her head and gave me one last look before disappearing around the barn to go inside the house. When I heard her load up the car and drive off the farm I grunted and slammed my fist into the wooden beam closest to me.
It split in half and I leaned my head against it. I can’t keep doing this…I hate disappointing my mom…and I hate that I’m so angry with her. I know she loved my dad…but when I see her with Lionel I can’t think straight.
I lifted my head and tried to calm myself down. I needed to finish fixing the tractor and if that was gonna happen I was going to have to go to the hardware store and get another one of those pieces that I broke.
I moved some things around before walking back toward the house. When I walked into the kitchen there was a plate of food wrapped up and set aside for me. I saw a note on top and went over to read it. I picked it up and glanced over it.
Clark-
I know things aren’t easy right now sweetheart, and you’re still upset about your father…but he wouldn’t want you giving up everything because of what’s happened. He would want you to enjoy your life…here’s some dinner please eat. I’ll be home soon
Love,
Mom
I crumpled the note in my hand and for some reason it made rage boil inside of me. Well gee mom hmm let me think about that…no I’m not still upset over dad’s death…I’m just peachy. My hands shook with fury. I tossed the note and shot it with a stream of heat vision before it had a chance to touch the ground. I grabbed my coat and started to head out the front door to go into town.
The minute I opened it I saw Lana standing there posed to knock on the door. She looked startled when she saw me, but a second later she was smiling. I gave her half a smile and opened the door wider so she could walk in. She moved passed me and squeezed my arm lightly. I shut the door behind her and followed her into the living room.
When she faced me her voice was upbeat and the smile on her face beamed. I loved Lana I did…but lately all she tried to do was talk to me about my dad…or attempt to take my mind off of the problem using certain tactics that I just wasn’t comfortable with ever since I got my powers back. It was really starting to grate on my nerves.
“Hey. Um, the muses weren't helping me with my astronomy paper, so I thought I'd come by and talk you into a frothy cappu—“
I cut her off abruptly before her sentence was even finished.
“I was actually on my way to the hardware store. I've got to pick up some supplies.”
Her smile dropped and she nodded but tried again.
“Are you sure it can't wait? Because I was really hoping we could talk. Clark... I understand. You and your dad were really close.”
I sighed and stepped away from her when she put a hand on my arm.
“Lana…”
It was her turn to cut me off. She scowled at me and I saw her eyes squint as anger flittered across her face. I almost grinned. Where was the understanding and compassion now Lana? Hmm…
“Listen Clark, I know you’re hurting right now but you can’t keep doing this forever. You need to try and work through your pain. Your father wouldn’t want this for you.”
I glared in her direction and advanced on her. She was startled by my sudden movement and took a few steps back, but when I kept coming toward her the look on her face grew nervous. She bumped into the wall and I placed my arms against the wall on each side of her. I moved my face closer to her and my voice was sharp when I spoke.
“How the hell would you know what my father wanted Lana? Are you channeling the dead now?”
I saw her wince and swallow hard as her tongue came out and licked her lips making them glisten. The action brought my attention to her lips. I looked down and something inside me stirred. She’s been on my case for weeks about our lack of a sex life…that was the stem of our problems…or at least she thought it was…I raised an eyebrow waiting for her answer and she shook her head.
“No Clark, I just…your father is the kind of person who gave all of himself for the people he loved…and I just don’t think he’d want to see you in this much pain that’s all.”
My glare never lessened as I spoke. My voice was tinged with sarcasm.
“Pain is a part of life Lana…it’s a part of grief. I thought you of all people would understand that with everything you’ve been through. Am I not aloud to be upset that my father’s gone? I wish everyone would just leave me the hell alone about it! I don’t want to talk about him…and if I did I wouldn’t be talking to you about it.”
I could see the wounded look on her face and I relaxed my glare as my voice softened.
“I just want to forget Lana…is that so bad? Help me forget…”
I leaned in and kissed her. She must have been surprised because she barley kissed me back for a second or two, but that’s all it took. Her arms wound around my neck and pulled me closer. But the thoughts of my dad dieing…the guilt…the anger…it didn’t go away…she didn’t make me forget…if anything it had the opposite effect…
(Lana POV)
This is what I’ve been waiting for…him to finally open up and let me in. After this we’d be back on track. God he felt good…I missed this…I felt the pressure of Clark’s hands on my waist intensify and I winced. Before I had a chance to say anything his hands were gone from my waist and he used one large palm to slam me back into the wall. It knocked the wind out of me.
I didn’t even have a chance to comment before he was on me again kissing me with more than hunger now. He was getting rough and I frowned into his kisses. I felt his left hand trail down the side of my body and then slither back up pulling the bottom of my shirt with it. I went to move his hand to tell him we should go to his room but he slapped it away.
My heartbeat sped up. For the first time in my life I felt nervous in Clark Kent’s arms. His hands were everywhere at once, but they weren’t loving and gentle…they were harsh…cruel…almost hateful and it felt wrong. He wasn’t kissing me because he loved me…not even because he wanted me. I was just there…someone to let his anger out on…and I wouldn’t be that person for him.
I tried to pull away from him but he just knocked me back against the wall again. When his hand reached for my pants and started to unzip them I turned my head to the side and he just took that as an invitation to suck on my neck. I closed my eyes and ignored the amazing feeling of his lips on my pulse point.
“Clark…Stop.”
I pushed his hand away from my jeans and spoke louder more forceful.
“I SAID STOP CLARK!”
He looked up and there was fire in his eyes. His hands grabbed my waist, squeezed me to the point of bruising and slammed me hard into the wall. He moved himself against me and I winced then whimpered. His eyes were cold and his voice came out dripping in sarcasm.
“What’s the matter Lana? Isn’t this what you’ve been begging me for, for weeks now? Don’t you want it? With the way you’re always asking for it I’d think you’d be enjoying yourself.”
I opened my mouth and closed it. I looked into his eyes and I didn’t even see an inkling of the Clark Kent that I knew and loved in there anymore. God what happened to him…when did he veer off the deep end? I shook myself out of my thoughts and realized he was still holding me too tight. My voice quavered a little and I cursed myself for it.
“Clark please…you’re hurting me…”
I saw some of the fire in his eyes die and he released my waist and pushed me slightly away from the wall. His voice was thick with so many emotions I couldn’t distinguish one from the next…except for the anger…it was hard not to see that one while he was yelling at me.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME LANA? Huh?”
Tears pooled in my eyes and I shook my head.
“God Clark…this…this isn’t you. I thought we could work this out…that we could fix us…”
I trailed off at his bitter chuckle. He raised his eyebrow at me.
“What? You thought sex would fix us Lana? It’s gonna take a lot more then getting off for us to fix this relationship…it’s a disaster…don’t you see that? Before my dad died you were practically breaking up with me…and now what…you’re gonna pull a Whitney on me? When his father died you miraculously stayed with him…to “help him through his grief” all you did was delay the inevitable and you betrayed him by not being honest…you were only with him out of guilt and pity.”
It felt like a slap in the face and I gasped as I took a step back and covered my mouth with my hand. My eye stung with tears that were so close to overflowing. I shook my head and looked into Clark eyes. My voice came out choked when I spoke.
“Is that…is that what you really think of me? That I have only been with you out of pity and guilt…Clark I love you…so much…I’ve waited for this relationship for a long time…you mean so much to me. How could you think that?”
He snorted and put his hands into his pockets.
“Please Lana…don’t insult my intelligence…if you really loved me as much as you say you do then you wouldn’t have pulled away from me when I got distant. You would have understood and stuck by me when I needed you to…but no not you…you have to know every tiny little secret about everyone…well guess what…you won’t ever know mine…because honestly now that I look at it…you were right. At first I thought it was because I was protecting you…but I was lying to myself. The reason I never told you was because I didn’t trust you. I just didn’t trust that you could handle it and I still don’t think you can.”
I gave him a confused look and he rolled his eyes and he shifted his feet.
“Do I have to explain? Guess I do…you were on the verge of breaking up with him because he was pulling away from you…and you weren’t his top priority…He was hiding something from you. When you finally pried out what it was, and it turned out his father was sick you stuck around…even when you didn’t want to anymore.”
He looked me dead in the eyes with a hard look.
“It all comes back to the same thing though…secrets, lies…you act like you’re innocent here. Like you’ve never hid anything from me before when the truth is you probably have more secrets then I do. The difference between us though, is I can live with you having some things to yourself…but you couldn’t handle me keeping things to myself.”
He shook his head as I started at him in disbelief. He couldn’t be saying all this…he’s yelling at me…getting mad at me when he just hurt me…I know Clark would never force me to do anything I didn’t want to do but things got kinda scary here a few minutes ago, and I was still shaken up from it. I’ve always been there for him though despite what he’s saying…
And so what if I have my own secrets…their secrets for a reason and they don’t involve him…at least not directly. His voice cut threw my thoughts. It came out tinged with resignation.
“I’m done playing these games.”
I finally found my voice. It came out with a mixture of pain and irritation.
“What games? Dammit Clark…look at me. Why are you doing this? I have always been there when you needed me. Always. I’ve dealt with your ever changing mood swings, and all the lies. You say you have secrets that are for you only…but I bet Chloe knows what’s going on with you…I bet she’s in on your little secret…”
He finally looked at me and there was rage on his face as he took two steps toward me and I took one back.
“Don’t bring her into this Lana. She isn’t a part of our fight. She’s my best friend and regardless of whether or not she knows shouldn’t be a factor in our relationship. Besides I haven’t spoken to Chloe since the funeral...”
I glared at him. He has always been so fiercely protective of Chloe…and I really hated that a few of our fights were about her…
“That isn’t the point Clark and you know it. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to let me in…tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours…I love you so much Clark…why can’t you see that? I love you…”
He looked down for a minute and when he looked back up there was pain on his face. He made unwavering eye contact with me and spoke slowly but firmly.
“Well…I don’t love you…”
My breath caught in my throat and I felt the wet pool of tears in my eyes. I shook me head and I stumbled back a few steps. I could feel a sharp pain in my chest and I put a hand over it. Oh god…is that what it feels like to have your heart broken? I was having trouble not breaking down in front of him. I took a shaky step forward and reached out to grab he arm but he moved away from me and I felt the pain stab deeper.
“Clark…you don’t mean that…”
He broke the eye contact and looked down.
“Go home Lana. I don’t want you here…Please…”
I felt a few tears drip down my face and he turned his back to me as I carefully walked out of his house. I heard the door shut behind me. I was on autopilot. I don’t even know how I made it back to the car but there I was sitting in it. I started to breakdown I could feel wetness running down my cheeks as I started the car. I took off and drove off the Kent farm.
Where was I gonna go…I needed something…anything to make the pain stop…I headed to Metropolis…I’d talk to Chloe…I needed my best friend right now. I glanced down when I shifted my body and felt a pain in my side. I moved my shirt and saw a large bruise forming there. That only made me cry harder.
This was it…it was really over…the worst part is though I didn’t know if Clark was right or wrong. I had planned on breaking up with him about a week ago…but then…his father died and I just couldn’t bring myself to add onto his pain…I honestly thought we’d be able to fix it though…I mean I think I did…didn’t I?
(Chloe POV)
I was piling my books on top of each other when the dorm door burst open and in came a hysterical dripping wet Lana. I stood up and frowned. What in the world…She stumbled in and I grabbed her by her arms.
“Lana…Lana what’s wrong.”
She glanced up at me like she was just noticing I was in the room. Her voice came out hoarse from all the crying.
“Chloe…”
I nodded and helped her sit on the bed before walking over to the closet and grabbing a towel. I walked back over and handed it to her.
“Lana…what happened?
She grasped the towel but didn’t move to dry herself. I glanced down and saw her knuckles turning white from how tight she was grasping it. She opened her mouth but closed it quickly. I moved my desk chair over and sat in front of her. I didn’t want to push her…she seemed a little frantic at the moment…and I didn’t want to scare her off from telling me what was going on.
I heard her sniffle as her tears started to dry up.
“I went to Smallville…”
I nodded. She did say she was going to check on Clark…I didn’t expect her back so soon…I reached out and squeezed her hand.
“I remember you telling me that you were gonna do that…”
She nodded and moved back on the bed wincing as she folded her legs underneath herself. I frowned and as she settled in her position I caught a glimpse of a massive bruise on her side. I gasped. And reached out.
“Oh my god Lana what happened? Did someone hurt you?”
She gave me a humorless chuckle. Whatever was going on it must be serious…this wasn’t like Lana at all. When she spoke her voice came out without any emotion in it.
“I went to go see if Clark was doing ok…and…we just…he…”
Her voice cracked and she looked down I could barely hear what she was mumbling. A shot of fear tunneled through me…
“What does Clark have to do with those bruises…Lana?”
I don’t even know if she heard me because she just kept right on talking, like she was in a trance.
“I thought things were going to be ok…I was there and he starting kissing me…” She glanced into my face, “I mean really kissing me Chloe…like he hasn’t in a long time..”
That’s good right? Not something I particularly wanted to hear about none the less is was good news for her…I guess he got over that whole I’ll crush you with my strength thing…I saw that her lips still moving so I tuned into what she was saying.
“…It was crazy Chloe…he was mean…I just I didn’t think it would end like that.”
Wait…rewind did she just say I didn’t think it would end like that? What did I miss? I frowned and gave her a confused look. I waved my hand in front of her to get her attention. She stopped talking at looked at me.
“Wait…I must have missed a part of this conversation…how did you go from kissing to ending the relationship?”
She sighed and hiccupped. I could tell this was hard for her to talk about but if this had anything to do with how she got hurt I needed to hear it.
“I said that after we started kissing…he got…he got rough with me…and…god this is crazy…I can’t believe I’m saying this.”
She looked down and when I touched her arm glanced back up. I was getting worried now. Clark was rough with Lana? That didn’t sound Like Clark…not even when he was on Red K. He’d never hurt Lana intentionally. Not to my knowledge anyway. My voice was soft and reassuring when I spoke.
“Tell me Lana…it’s ok I’m not judging here.”
She nodded and took a deep breath.
“He hurt me Chloe…”
When my eyes widened in shock she shook her head stopping my train of thought where it was. Her voice sounded meek.
“Not intentionally or anything…and when I freaked out and told him to stop he did right away…but still. I’ve always felt safe in Clark’s arms…”
She glanced at me and our eyes met and I could see the moisture in her eyes glistening in the light as she spoke.
“Until tonight.”
I was trying to get my thoughts together. Something was definitely wrong with Clark…and I wanted to go check on him but I couldn’t leave Lana like this…she needed someone too. I hated being torn between them. Sometime I wish there were two of me. I sighed.
“Are you alright now?”
She nodded slowly as if she were unsure. This called for emergency girl time… that’s right I’ve made up my mind…Lana needs me tonight more than Clark does…I’ll go see him first thing in the morning…give him some time to cool down from his fight with her…I pulled my body up next to Lana and gave her a side hug as I grinned at her.
“You know what this calls for roommate?”
She tilted her head in my direction as she raised her eyebrow at me.
“Pajama party with Mint Chocolate Chip and Cookie Dough ice cream, sappy movies, hair braiding, and boy bashing!”
I saw a small smile break out on her face as she alternated between chuckling and hiccupping.
“We’re too old for that Chlo…”
I snorted as I got up.
“Says who? It’s just what we need…a girl’s night in. No school, no work just two best friends hanging out.”
She continued smiling at me.
“Are you sure you don’t have something you have to be doing?”
I waved her off as I grabbed my purse. I opened the dorm door and then turned to face her. I had a serious look on my face.
“Lana, you’re my best friend and you need me. I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I’m gonna run to the store and pick up the movies and ice cream…get changed while you wait for me…I’ll be back in a gif!”
I grinned and shut the door behind me. As I walked across campus a million thoughts were running through my head. The truth was I don’t think Meteor rocks or anything else could excuse Clarks behavior tonight. At least not from what I’ve heard from Lana’s side.
This is all on him and the part that I found most disturbing was he just let her leave…and he never came after her or called to make sure she was ok. I’ve known Clark for years…and every time he’s messed up big he always tried to fix it right away…especially if it involves Lana.
I know how much he’s hurting from losing his father…I understand really…but if he doesn’t start to control the anger that’s building inside of him…we’re all going to be in for a lot of trouble when he finally unleashes and explodes…
(Clark POV)
I was sitting in the kitchen when I heard the front door open. I sighed as my mom came into the room.
“Hey mom how was Metrop--- Mom? What happened? Oh, my god.”
I stood up from my chair and walked over to her with horror on my face. I gently ran my hand over a cut she had on her face. I felt red-hot heat bubble inside of me. Who would do this?
“I was dropping off the clothes. These two guys came out of nowhere.”
My eyes squinted and if I didn’t know any better I’d say steam was pouring out of my ears.
“Are you hurt bad?”
She shook her head.
“No, I'm all right. Clark, somebody rescued me.”
Her eyes teared up and her voice broke as she spoke.
“But not before they took your father's watch.”
I was furious. Who would attack my mother in the middle of Metropolis? I practically hit myself in the head. Anyone that’s who. I should have gone with her or at least checked on her. She had left hours before but what did I do? I stomped around the barn and broke things feeling sorry for myself…well not anymore. I was going to find the people who did this to her…they’d get what was coming to them and I’d get my dad’s watch back.
I helped her up to her room and got her into bed, promising that I’d get dad’s watch back. I came back downstairs and starting pacing the room. How was I going to find his watch…I shook my head. I should have just taken it when my mom wanted to give it to me. I stopped and grinned. Chloe. She’d know what to do she always does.
I sped to the barn and grabbed my cell phone. I held down the number one and Chloe’s number automatically dialed for me. It rang four times before her voicemail picked up. Where was she? She always answered the phone for me…even if she was at The Planet. I heard her message come on.
You’ve reached Chloe leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back, but chances are if I didn’t answer your call I don’t want to talk to you! And if it’s an emergency well what the hell are you calling me for? Hang up and call 911, jeez I’m not a paramedic…
*Beep*
I sighed.
“Chloe it’s Clark…my mom was mugged in Metropolis tonight…they…they took my dad’s watch and my mom’s real upset about it…I need your help finding these guys…call me as soon as you get this…”
I flipped the phone shut and plopped down on a bale of hay. I had to find these guys. They tried to hurt my mom…she’s the only parent I have left and I was mad at her so I just let her go off by herself unprotected. I shook my head. What was wrong with me? It didn’t matter. I would find them and then they’d never mug another person again…
Chapter 1
Four Days Earlier
(Clark POV)
Dammit! These damn parts! The piece broke in my hand and I grunted as I threw it across the barn. It flew to the other side and broke right through one of the barn walls. I sighed and shook my head. I heard footsteps making there way into the barn and I groaned to myself.
I really wish everyone would just leave me the hell alone…can’t they see I’m busy? It was my mother…she didn’t say anything so I broke the silence.
“This engine won't start. I don't know how to fix it.”
My voice held more frustration then I intended it to, but either she chose to ignore it or she was just too out of it to hear it. Her voice was soft.
“You're home from school early.”
I turned to face her with a tool in my hand and spoke as I lightly tapped it against me.
“Yeah, well, I sort of dropped out for the rest of the semester.”
Her eyes went wide and she moved closer to me. Her voice was reprimanding.
“Clark, how could you do that?”
I gave her a nasty look and threw the tool I was using back in the box. I wiped my hand on my pants and spoke in a condescending manner.
“What did you expect me to do? I have the rest of my life for school. You need me here. There’s too much work to be done.”
She frowned and shook her head. I could see the disapproval clearly written on her face, but you know what…I didn’t care. This was my life and I’d make my own decisions about what I do and don’t do.
“But – “
I cut her off, shaking my head and waving my hand.
“Are you going to do all the work on the farm? I didn’t think so…Mom, it's done. So just leave it alone.”
I saw the hurt look on her face as she sighed. Her voice was light and non-confrontational the next time she spoke.
“The Governor's office wants to see me. Something about your father's senate seat. It's the last thing I want to do, I have to go to Metropolis. While I'm there, I... I thought I'd drop some of your father's clothes off at the homeless shelter. Maybe it's too early to get rid of them, but I... it's so hard seeing them in the closet. I can still smell his aftershave on the shirts. You should take a look, see if there's something you want to keep.”
That’s great mom…while your at it why don’t throw out everything he ever used in the house. Purge his memory from me too. Why not right? You're already moving on with your life like he didn’t even exists…it’s been three days since my dads funeral…my fathers body isn’t even cold in the ground yet and she’s already been spending too much time with Lionel Luthor.
He was here last night offering his condolences…yeah condolences my ass…he’s looking for an in and he finally thinks he has it…too bad he didn’t…and if he tried…my jaw tensed and I swallowed hard to keep myself in check.
When I glanced up I realized she was waiting for an answer from me…I shook my head and tried to keep the anger out of my voice when I spoke.
“No, I'm sure there's someone who can use it more than I can.”
She seemed oblivious to my inner struggle as she gave me a disappointed look. I don’t know what her problem is…why did she care if I wanted to keep something or not. I mean obviously these things weren’t important to her…she’s giving them all away…
Her eyes lit up for a brief moment like she was just remembering something. I saw her fingering a watch in her hand…that was my dad’s watch…he used it to teach me how to tell time. Her voice held fondness when she spoke.
“Oh. I think your father would have wanted you to have this. I...I remember the day he taught you how to tell time with it.”
I’m sure you do…did you also remember the day you said your vows when you were having coffee with Lionel last night, laughing in the kitchen about something stupid he had said? I glanced away from her because I was afraid if I kept looking at her I would say something I regretted. I shook my head lightly and when I spoke I tried to curb the awful sound in my voice.
“You should wear it.”
I turned back to face her and then glanced around the barn.
“Well, if you're going to Metropolis, you should probably go before it gets too dark.”
Again I saw the hurt look on her face, but she nodded and turned around to leave the barn. She turned her head and gave me one last look before disappearing around the barn to go inside the house. When I heard her load up the car and drive off the farm I grunted and slammed my fist into the wooden beam closest to me.
It split in half and I leaned my head against it. I can’t keep doing this…I hate disappointing my mom…and I hate that I’m so angry with her. I know she loved my dad…but when I see her with Lionel I can’t think straight.
I lifted my head and tried to calm myself down. I needed to finish fixing the tractor and if that was gonna happen I was going to have to go to the hardware store and get another one of those pieces that I broke.
I moved some things around before walking back toward the house. When I walked into the kitchen there was a plate of food wrapped up and set aside for me. I saw a note on top and went over to read it. I picked it up and glanced over it.
Clark-
I know things aren’t easy right now sweetheart, and you’re still upset about your father…but he wouldn’t want you giving up everything because of what’s happened. He would want you to enjoy your life…here’s some dinner please eat. I’ll be home soon
Love,
Mom
I crumpled the note in my hand and for some reason it made rage boil inside of me. Well gee mom hmm let me think about that…no I’m not still upset over dad’s death…I’m just peachy. My hands shook with fury. I tossed the note and shot it with a stream of heat vision before it had a chance to touch the ground. I grabbed my coat and started to head out the front door to go into town.
The minute I opened it I saw Lana standing there posed to knock on the door. She looked startled when she saw me, but a second later she was smiling. I gave her half a smile and opened the door wider so she could walk in. She moved passed me and squeezed my arm lightly. I shut the door behind her and followed her into the living room.
When she faced me her voice was upbeat and the smile on her face beamed. I loved Lana I did…but lately all she tried to do was talk to me about my dad…or attempt to take my mind off of the problem using certain tactics that I just wasn’t comfortable with ever since I got my powers back. It was really starting to grate on my nerves.
“Hey. Um, the muses weren't helping me with my astronomy paper, so I thought I'd come by and talk you into a frothy cappu—“
I cut her off abruptly before her sentence was even finished.
“I was actually on my way to the hardware store. I've got to pick up some supplies.”
Her smile dropped and she nodded but tried again.
“Are you sure it can't wait? Because I was really hoping we could talk. Clark... I understand. You and your dad were really close.”
I sighed and stepped away from her when she put a hand on my arm.
“Lana…”
It was her turn to cut me off. She scowled at me and I saw her eyes squint as anger flittered across her face. I almost grinned. Where was the understanding and compassion now Lana? Hmm…
“Listen Clark, I know you’re hurting right now but you can’t keep doing this forever. You need to try and work through your pain. Your father wouldn’t want this for you.”
I glared in her direction and advanced on her. She was startled by my sudden movement and took a few steps back, but when I kept coming toward her the look on her face grew nervous. She bumped into the wall and I placed my arms against the wall on each side of her. I moved my face closer to her and my voice was sharp when I spoke.
“How the hell would you know what my father wanted Lana? Are you channeling the dead now?”
I saw her wince and swallow hard as her tongue came out and licked her lips making them glisten. The action brought my attention to her lips. I looked down and something inside me stirred. She’s been on my case for weeks about our lack of a sex life…that was the stem of our problems…or at least she thought it was…I raised an eyebrow waiting for her answer and she shook her head.
“No Clark, I just…your father is the kind of person who gave all of himself for the people he loved…and I just don’t think he’d want to see you in this much pain that’s all.”
My glare never lessened as I spoke. My voice was tinged with sarcasm.
“Pain is a part of life Lana…it’s a part of grief. I thought you of all people would understand that with everything you’ve been through. Am I not aloud to be upset that my father’s gone? I wish everyone would just leave me the hell alone about it! I don’t want to talk about him…and if I did I wouldn’t be talking to you about it.”
I could see the wounded look on her face and I relaxed my glare as my voice softened.
“I just want to forget Lana…is that so bad? Help me forget…”
I leaned in and kissed her. She must have been surprised because she barley kissed me back for a second or two, but that’s all it took. Her arms wound around my neck and pulled me closer. But the thoughts of my dad dieing…the guilt…the anger…it didn’t go away…she didn’t make me forget…if anything it had the opposite effect…
(Lana POV)
This is what I’ve been waiting for…him to finally open up and let me in. After this we’d be back on track. God he felt good…I missed this…I felt the pressure of Clark’s hands on my waist intensify and I winced. Before I had a chance to say anything his hands were gone from my waist and he used one large palm to slam me back into the wall. It knocked the wind out of me.
I didn’t even have a chance to comment before he was on me again kissing me with more than hunger now. He was getting rough and I frowned into his kisses. I felt his left hand trail down the side of my body and then slither back up pulling the bottom of my shirt with it. I went to move his hand to tell him we should go to his room but he slapped it away.
My heartbeat sped up. For the first time in my life I felt nervous in Clark Kent’s arms. His hands were everywhere at once, but they weren’t loving and gentle…they were harsh…cruel…almost hateful and it felt wrong. He wasn’t kissing me because he loved me…not even because he wanted me. I was just there…someone to let his anger out on…and I wouldn’t be that person for him.
I tried to pull away from him but he just knocked me back against the wall again. When his hand reached for my pants and started to unzip them I turned my head to the side and he just took that as an invitation to suck on my neck. I closed my eyes and ignored the amazing feeling of his lips on my pulse point.
“Clark…Stop.”
I pushed his hand away from my jeans and spoke louder more forceful.
“I SAID STOP CLARK!”
He looked up and there was fire in his eyes. His hands grabbed my waist, squeezed me to the point of bruising and slammed me hard into the wall. He moved himself against me and I winced then whimpered. His eyes were cold and his voice came out dripping in sarcasm.
“What’s the matter Lana? Isn’t this what you’ve been begging me for, for weeks now? Don’t you want it? With the way you’re always asking for it I’d think you’d be enjoying yourself.”
I opened my mouth and closed it. I looked into his eyes and I didn’t even see an inkling of the Clark Kent that I knew and loved in there anymore. God what happened to him…when did he veer off the deep end? I shook myself out of my thoughts and realized he was still holding me too tight. My voice quavered a little and I cursed myself for it.
“Clark please…you’re hurting me…”
I saw some of the fire in his eyes die and he released my waist and pushed me slightly away from the wall. His voice was thick with so many emotions I couldn’t distinguish one from the next…except for the anger…it was hard not to see that one while he was yelling at me.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME LANA? Huh?”
Tears pooled in my eyes and I shook my head.
“God Clark…this…this isn’t you. I thought we could work this out…that we could fix us…”
I trailed off at his bitter chuckle. He raised his eyebrow at me.
“What? You thought sex would fix us Lana? It’s gonna take a lot more then getting off for us to fix this relationship…it’s a disaster…don’t you see that? Before my dad died you were practically breaking up with me…and now what…you’re gonna pull a Whitney on me? When his father died you miraculously stayed with him…to “help him through his grief” all you did was delay the inevitable and you betrayed him by not being honest…you were only with him out of guilt and pity.”
It felt like a slap in the face and I gasped as I took a step back and covered my mouth with my hand. My eye stung with tears that were so close to overflowing. I shook my head and looked into Clark eyes. My voice came out choked when I spoke.
“Is that…is that what you really think of me? That I have only been with you out of pity and guilt…Clark I love you…so much…I’ve waited for this relationship for a long time…you mean so much to me. How could you think that?”
He snorted and put his hands into his pockets.
“Please Lana…don’t insult my intelligence…if you really loved me as much as you say you do then you wouldn’t have pulled away from me when I got distant. You would have understood and stuck by me when I needed you to…but no not you…you have to know every tiny little secret about everyone…well guess what…you won’t ever know mine…because honestly now that I look at it…you were right. At first I thought it was because I was protecting you…but I was lying to myself. The reason I never told you was because I didn’t trust you. I just didn’t trust that you could handle it and I still don’t think you can.”
I gave him a confused look and he rolled his eyes and he shifted his feet.
“Do I have to explain? Guess I do…you were on the verge of breaking up with him because he was pulling away from you…and you weren’t his top priority…He was hiding something from you. When you finally pried out what it was, and it turned out his father was sick you stuck around…even when you didn’t want to anymore.”
He looked me dead in the eyes with a hard look.
“It all comes back to the same thing though…secrets, lies…you act like you’re innocent here. Like you’ve never hid anything from me before when the truth is you probably have more secrets then I do. The difference between us though, is I can live with you having some things to yourself…but you couldn’t handle me keeping things to myself.”
He shook his head as I started at him in disbelief. He couldn’t be saying all this…he’s yelling at me…getting mad at me when he just hurt me…I know Clark would never force me to do anything I didn’t want to do but things got kinda scary here a few minutes ago, and I was still shaken up from it. I’ve always been there for him though despite what he’s saying…
And so what if I have my own secrets…their secrets for a reason and they don’t involve him…at least not directly. His voice cut threw my thoughts. It came out tinged with resignation.
“I’m done playing these games.”
I finally found my voice. It came out with a mixture of pain and irritation.
“What games? Dammit Clark…look at me. Why are you doing this? I have always been there when you needed me. Always. I’ve dealt with your ever changing mood swings, and all the lies. You say you have secrets that are for you only…but I bet Chloe knows what’s going on with you…I bet she’s in on your little secret…”
He finally looked at me and there was rage on his face as he took two steps toward me and I took one back.
“Don’t bring her into this Lana. She isn’t a part of our fight. She’s my best friend and regardless of whether or not she knows shouldn’t be a factor in our relationship. Besides I haven’t spoken to Chloe since the funeral...”
I glared at him. He has always been so fiercely protective of Chloe…and I really hated that a few of our fights were about her…
“That isn’t the point Clark and you know it. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to let me in…tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours…I love you so much Clark…why can’t you see that? I love you…”
He looked down for a minute and when he looked back up there was pain on his face. He made unwavering eye contact with me and spoke slowly but firmly.
“Well…I don’t love you…”
My breath caught in my throat and I felt the wet pool of tears in my eyes. I shook me head and I stumbled back a few steps. I could feel a sharp pain in my chest and I put a hand over it. Oh god…is that what it feels like to have your heart broken? I was having trouble not breaking down in front of him. I took a shaky step forward and reached out to grab he arm but he moved away from me and I felt the pain stab deeper.
“Clark…you don’t mean that…”
He broke the eye contact and looked down.
“Go home Lana. I don’t want you here…Please…”
I felt a few tears drip down my face and he turned his back to me as I carefully walked out of his house. I heard the door shut behind me. I was on autopilot. I don’t even know how I made it back to the car but there I was sitting in it. I started to breakdown I could feel wetness running down my cheeks as I started the car. I took off and drove off the Kent farm.
Where was I gonna go…I needed something…anything to make the pain stop…I headed to Metropolis…I’d talk to Chloe…I needed my best friend right now. I glanced down when I shifted my body and felt a pain in my side. I moved my shirt and saw a large bruise forming there. That only made me cry harder.
This was it…it was really over…the worst part is though I didn’t know if Clark was right or wrong. I had planned on breaking up with him about a week ago…but then…his father died and I just couldn’t bring myself to add onto his pain…I honestly thought we’d be able to fix it though…I mean I think I did…didn’t I?
(Chloe POV)
I was piling my books on top of each other when the dorm door burst open and in came a hysterical dripping wet Lana. I stood up and frowned. What in the world…She stumbled in and I grabbed her by her arms.
“Lana…Lana what’s wrong.”
She glanced up at me like she was just noticing I was in the room. Her voice came out hoarse from all the crying.
“Chloe…”
I nodded and helped her sit on the bed before walking over to the closet and grabbing a towel. I walked back over and handed it to her.
“Lana…what happened?
She grasped the towel but didn’t move to dry herself. I glanced down and saw her knuckles turning white from how tight she was grasping it. She opened her mouth but closed it quickly. I moved my desk chair over and sat in front of her. I didn’t want to push her…she seemed a little frantic at the moment…and I didn’t want to scare her off from telling me what was going on.
I heard her sniffle as her tears started to dry up.
“I went to Smallville…”
I nodded. She did say she was going to check on Clark…I didn’t expect her back so soon…I reached out and squeezed her hand.
“I remember you telling me that you were gonna do that…”
She nodded and moved back on the bed wincing as she folded her legs underneath herself. I frowned and as she settled in her position I caught a glimpse of a massive bruise on her side. I gasped. And reached out.
“Oh my god Lana what happened? Did someone hurt you?”
She gave me a humorless chuckle. Whatever was going on it must be serious…this wasn’t like Lana at all. When she spoke her voice came out without any emotion in it.
“I went to go see if Clark was doing ok…and…we just…he…”
Her voice cracked and she looked down I could barely hear what she was mumbling. A shot of fear tunneled through me…
“What does Clark have to do with those bruises…Lana?”
I don’t even know if she heard me because she just kept right on talking, like she was in a trance.
“I thought things were going to be ok…I was there and he starting kissing me…” She glanced into my face, “I mean really kissing me Chloe…like he hasn’t in a long time..”
That’s good right? Not something I particularly wanted to hear about none the less is was good news for her…I guess he got over that whole I’ll crush you with my strength thing…I saw that her lips still moving so I tuned into what she was saying.
“…It was crazy Chloe…he was mean…I just I didn’t think it would end like that.”
Wait…rewind did she just say I didn’t think it would end like that? What did I miss? I frowned and gave her a confused look. I waved my hand in front of her to get her attention. She stopped talking at looked at me.
“Wait…I must have missed a part of this conversation…how did you go from kissing to ending the relationship?”
She sighed and hiccupped. I could tell this was hard for her to talk about but if this had anything to do with how she got hurt I needed to hear it.
“I said that after we started kissing…he got…he got rough with me…and…god this is crazy…I can’t believe I’m saying this.”
She looked down and when I touched her arm glanced back up. I was getting worried now. Clark was rough with Lana? That didn’t sound Like Clark…not even when he was on Red K. He’d never hurt Lana intentionally. Not to my knowledge anyway. My voice was soft and reassuring when I spoke.
“Tell me Lana…it’s ok I’m not judging here.”
She nodded and took a deep breath.
“He hurt me Chloe…”
When my eyes widened in shock she shook her head stopping my train of thought where it was. Her voice sounded meek.
“Not intentionally or anything…and when I freaked out and told him to stop he did right away…but still. I’ve always felt safe in Clark’s arms…”
She glanced at me and our eyes met and I could see the moisture in her eyes glistening in the light as she spoke.
“Until tonight.”
I was trying to get my thoughts together. Something was definitely wrong with Clark…and I wanted to go check on him but I couldn’t leave Lana like this…she needed someone too. I hated being torn between them. Sometime I wish there were two of me. I sighed.
“Are you alright now?”
She nodded slowly as if she were unsure. This called for emergency girl time… that’s right I’ve made up my mind…Lana needs me tonight more than Clark does…I’ll go see him first thing in the morning…give him some time to cool down from his fight with her…I pulled my body up next to Lana and gave her a side hug as I grinned at her.
“You know what this calls for roommate?”
She tilted her head in my direction as she raised her eyebrow at me.
“Pajama party with Mint Chocolate Chip and Cookie Dough ice cream, sappy movies, hair braiding, and boy bashing!”
I saw a small smile break out on her face as she alternated between chuckling and hiccupping.
“We’re too old for that Chlo…”
I snorted as I got up.
“Says who? It’s just what we need…a girl’s night in. No school, no work just two best friends hanging out.”
She continued smiling at me.
“Are you sure you don’t have something you have to be doing?”
I waved her off as I grabbed my purse. I opened the dorm door and then turned to face her. I had a serious look on my face.
“Lana, you’re my best friend and you need me. I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I’m gonna run to the store and pick up the movies and ice cream…get changed while you wait for me…I’ll be back in a gif!”
I grinned and shut the door behind me. As I walked across campus a million thoughts were running through my head. The truth was I don’t think Meteor rocks or anything else could excuse Clarks behavior tonight. At least not from what I’ve heard from Lana’s side.
This is all on him and the part that I found most disturbing was he just let her leave…and he never came after her or called to make sure she was ok. I’ve known Clark for years…and every time he’s messed up big he always tried to fix it right away…especially if it involves Lana.
I know how much he’s hurting from losing his father…I understand really…but if he doesn’t start to control the anger that’s building inside of him…we’re all going to be in for a lot of trouble when he finally unleashes and explodes…
(Clark POV)
I was sitting in the kitchen when I heard the front door open. I sighed as my mom came into the room.
“Hey mom how was Metrop--- Mom? What happened? Oh, my god.”
I stood up from my chair and walked over to her with horror on my face. I gently ran my hand over a cut she had on her face. I felt red-hot heat bubble inside of me. Who would do this?
“I was dropping off the clothes. These two guys came out of nowhere.”
My eyes squinted and if I didn’t know any better I’d say steam was pouring out of my ears.
“Are you hurt bad?”
She shook her head.
“No, I'm all right. Clark, somebody rescued me.”
Her eyes teared up and her voice broke as she spoke.
“But not before they took your father's watch.”
I was furious. Who would attack my mother in the middle of Metropolis? I practically hit myself in the head. Anyone that’s who. I should have gone with her or at least checked on her. She had left hours before but what did I do? I stomped around the barn and broke things feeling sorry for myself…well not anymore. I was going to find the people who did this to her…they’d get what was coming to them and I’d get my dad’s watch back.
I helped her up to her room and got her into bed, promising that I’d get dad’s watch back. I came back downstairs and starting pacing the room. How was I going to find his watch…I shook my head. I should have just taken it when my mom wanted to give it to me. I stopped and grinned. Chloe. She’d know what to do she always does.
I sped to the barn and grabbed my cell phone. I held down the number one and Chloe’s number automatically dialed for me. It rang four times before her voicemail picked up. Where was she? She always answered the phone for me…even if she was at The Planet. I heard her message come on.
You’ve reached Chloe leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back, but chances are if I didn’t answer your call I don’t want to talk to you! And if it’s an emergency well what the hell are you calling me for? Hang up and call 911, jeez I’m not a paramedic…
*Beep*
I sighed.
“Chloe it’s Clark…my mom was mugged in Metropolis tonight…they…they took my dad’s watch and my mom’s real upset about it…I need your help finding these guys…call me as soon as you get this…”
I flipped the phone shut and plopped down on a bale of hay. I had to find these guys. They tried to hurt my mom…she’s the only parent I have left and I was mad at her so I just let her go off by herself unprotected. I shook my head. What was wrong with me? It didn’t matter. I would find them and then they’d never mug another person again…
Wow, scary to see Clark start to go psycho with Lana. With everything he can do, and as angry as he was getting, it's amazing he did not snap her in two!!
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